Paint

I like to keep busy and progressing toward a goal. Currently the biggest goal in my life is to start a family and be a mom. I have been working diligently on that goal the past few years with fertility tests and treatments and now adoption paperwork and training. Well, with our interviews being in two days and that being all we have left of our part of the approval process, my mind and subconscious keeps looking for something to do. I can't go around town "advertising" our adoption with hanging fliers and such until our home study is complete so I kind of feel like I am in a holding pattern. I am in a transition period in a lot of ways.

My focus has seemed to transition to the nursery. While we aren't ready to actually turn the kids room into a nursery, for many reasons, I do think I am ready to start working on the transformation. First step, PAINT! I am not a huge fan of painting, but I am excited to paint the nursery. Of course all you secret paint lovers are more than welcome to help! What do you think of these colors? Yes, I know it is really hard to tell from a picture on a blog on a computer. I have the samples in my purse if you want to see! I went to Home Depot to start browsing paint chips. I knew going there that I wanted a light grey. Other than that I wasn't sure. I didn't think it would be too difficulty, said the colorblind person trying to distinguish from a billion slightly different shades of every color in the rainbow. : ) I don't know what I was thinking. However, there was a kind lady working there to whom I laid out my story and she graciously helped me. She said they had just done a room in their house using these colors, and "it feels like eternity when you walk in." When she showed me the colors they were perfect! Now, that could change tomorrow, lol, especially because I have a hard time making decisions and Justin doesn't seem to have an opinion. We will see. I will show these around and see what people thing. Fun!

I have met some of the most amazing women through our infertility journey. I simply love them. Some of them have "graduated" and moved on from our infertility support group because they are expecting! I am so happy for them. I went to a baby shower for one of my dear friends on Saturday. She is having identical twin girl. Also, one of our friends just had her little girl two weeks ago. I made these barrettes for them. Aren't they cute?!? Now, if I could only figure out what to do for the ones having boys.

Homestudy Inspection Done

Our caseworker came over yesterday to do our inspection. It seemed to go well. The only thing we really needed to correct was we needed to go out and buy a carbon monoxide detector for each floor. I thought our smoke detectors were both. Hehe. Oh well. They are now installed and we are good to go.

It was nice that when he was talking about what happens next he said that the ball is in his court. We have done our part and now it is up to him. He did say there is another couple ahead of us whose homestudy he needs to write, but he will get ours done after that. He also said it is OK for me to check in on him and see how it is going. : ) Thank you for giving me permission to nag! One thing that was really helpful was Justin and I both agreed that when he was talking it sounded like he was saying WHEN we are approved not IF we are approved. We will see how our interviews go.

Yesterday I went to Babies R Us to pick up a baby shower for a dear friend who is having twins after a long hard bout with infertility. I am so excited for her! At first while I was there I kept my head down and tried to avoid all the baby stuff and the moms. However, I let my self, for the first time since we lost our baby, actually start thinking about the nursery, and the fact that we really are going to need a nursery. How crazy is that? Even while writing this that thought still scares me because it still feels abstract and so far in the future that is isn't really a possibility, but I am starting to let my self believe it. I looked around at the bedroom sets and even brought home a catalog.

I really don't like espresso, which EVERYTHING seems to come in, neither do I like the painted white look. I like having a little red in the wood. I I found two at the store that I likes and another in the catalog. I have no idea what Justin likes, or if he even cares. While it would be so fun picking out nursery furniture, I don't think we are ready for that. Maybe we can start thinking of painting the nursery? Something light and neutral, safe. : )

Tonight we have a class on Oregon Adoption Law changed that are being proposed. Next Thursday are our individual interviews, and that is all for now. How crazy is it that we have done all we can do to be approved for adoption? It feels great, but also a little scary.

Sleepover!

We got to have a sleepover with our nephews tonight! We had such a good time. We had pizza for dinner, watched Epic at the neighborhood activity, played at the park, and went to Dairy Queen for dessert. The boys seemed to have a good time and Justin and I loved getting to spend time with them. I have to say I love the feeling of having kids in the back seat as I run errands. I know I am weird.

One thing that kinda hit me and made me pause was how much they love me. I love them more than anything, other than their mom and dad and grandparents, but I can also tell they love me too. Justin and I were talking about this after they were in bed. It reiterated to us how it is possible for us to love and for our children to love us even though we will not be biologically related. These two beautiful boys are not ours, we don't see them every day, and we don't provide for all their needs and wants. However, we still love each other unconditionally, openly, and honestly.  It is hard to imagine how much that will be amplified when it is our children but we know it is possible and we can not wait. Also, we can't wait for our little one to get to have sleepovers with his/her cousins.

Dance in the Rain

We made it! All our training is done, all the paperwork is sent in, and all our wonderful references have gotten their form turned in! Now we are getting ready for our interviews. Our "home inspection" interview is next Thursday! Yikes! We are so excited to get it done, but we have a lot to do to get ready. Then our personal interviews are the week after. It feels great to be making progress and to be so close to being approved. Please keep us in your prayers that our interviews will go well and that we won't say the wrong thing. : )

I have the most wonderful friends in the world. I sent them my letter to the birth parents to be edited and they were so helpful! I am so grateful for the wonderful people I have met through this journey. While infertility is hard and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I have been blessed along the way. I will be eternally grateful for the friends I have made. I was listening to Hillary Weeks new CD "Say Love" on my way home from yoga last night, and her song "Hero" made me think of them. I wish I could share it with all of you, but alas it isn't on You Tube yet. : ) If you want to hear it come over and I will play it for you.

I have been trying to take time to notice small glimpses of moments in my life when I feel content. It has been great. There are times driving in my car with my music on not thinking about life our this crazy world and I feel pure joy. It is amazing. I highly recommend searching for those quick snippets. They are there and recognising them will make life happier. I am hoping one of those times will be tonight watching the Century Jaguars beat the Hillsboro Spartans at the football game we are attending for date night. I can't wait!

We've Got Mail!

Ok, well, I tried to post a picture of the beautiful card, but for some reason I can't get it to load.

We got our first mail in our PO Box! You can't believe how excited I was to get it. It was a beautiful card with a butterfly on the front from our friends the Ericksons. They sponsored a puzzle piece and wrote us the sweetest note. Thank you so much Preston, Kristyn, and Bryce!

Sorry that I haven't posted in a while. Life has been crazy busy at work, and working two jobs, Justin getting layed off and us trying to figure out trade act and school stuff, and having family in town. We have been making a little progress on the adoption front, but we are nearing the end of what we have to do so it is slowing down.

Right now I am really anxious to schedule our interviews. However, in order to do that all of our references have to be turned in. We have half of them submitted. I am hoping by the end of the week all we will have left are our interviews. What we have remaining is 2 training classes which we are completing tonight, mail in the packet of off line documents, which I am hoping to do tonight, and then the 2 references we are waiting on. Can you believe we are so close! I can't believe it. It feels so weird though. I feel so many conflicting emotions. It seems like we have been trying to get all this done forever, but at the same time like it is going so quickly. I feel as though we are nearing the end, but also as though we still have forever to go. Also, I am super excited to have our homestudy done and approved, but at the same time that ends the biggest part where I have at least a semblance of control.

I of course do know that once our homestudy is approved birth moms can then start viewing our profile and selecting us to be the parents of their baby. I can't wait for that phase. We have no idea how long it will take, but we do know that the timing will be perfect because God is in control. I am having a hard time succumbing to His time table, but I am working on it. : ) I will also do my best to keep this updated more, but I am not sure how much I will have to write while we are "waiting". Thank you so much for your prayers and support. We couldn't do it without you.