Confused

     Justin and I know that adoption is for us. We have no doubt of that. We want a family more than anything, and have felt for most of our marriage that adoption was in our future. Now that we are finally here I have been doing A LOT of research. We had been set on international adoption. We loved the idea of being able to help orphans around the world, and we liked what we thought the process of international adoption was. We started looking into countries and quickly landed on Ethiopia. We were so excited about the prospects of adopting from that beautiful country and the beautiful children there.

Picture from Google

     Next came the task of deciding which agency to go through. I looked into many online and also talked with friends and neighbors who have and are currently going through the process of international adoption in Africa. We have heard the name of one particular agency come up a few times and really felt as though they were a reputable agency, which you have to be really careful when adopting internationally. One of our neighbors is currently adoption through this agency from Ethiopia. I contacted this agency and was excited to work with them. However, I learned that the only country we would qualify for would be Bulgaria, because they stopped taking applicants for Ethiopia a month ago, and everywhere else you need to be open to children six or older, we had set 5 as our limit. We found this really frustrating because we had looked into Bulgaria before settling on Ethiopia but the other agency we are considering said not to adopt there because they are taking years to give referrals.

     The more I look into it is appears that it is going to take 3-4 years to get a child AFTER we apply and we don't think we will have to $30,000 - $40,000 for another 4 years. That means this process would take 8 years. I am sorry, but that is so overwhelming. We were thinking that if it takes 3-4 years then we could apply now and raise the money while waiting for a child, however most of the money is due within the first 6 months of applying.

     Honestly, I have no idea right now what God wants for us. I am trying to gather as much information as I can so I can take an informed decision to Him and ask if it is what He wants for us. However, the more I look into it the more it doesn't feel right. Is that because it isn't what we are to do right now? Do I need to forget about and agency and country and just try to save $30,000 before I even look into it? I feel bad asking people for money when we don't have something set for them to contribute to, so that doesn't feel right. Maybe we should be looking into domestic infant adoption. We would really love a baby, and that is looking more and more like an impossibility through international adoption. We could look into LDS Family Services again. The issue we have with domestic infant adoption is that there is no guarantee of a child. We could spend years and and lots of money campaining and marketing our selves and then nothing come from it. I probably need more faith. I know God has a plan for us, and he has promised that we will be parents. I just don't know how or when.

     I am a planner, and a doer. If I am not making progress toward my goal I have a hard time with it. Not knowing what direction we should go right now is really hard. I will just keep praying that the Lord will guide our path and lead is to the child or children that need us and are meant to be part of our family. In the mean time we do KNOW that we are going to adopt, and will need the funds to be able to do so, so please keep your eyes and ears out for our next fundraiser!